Shine The Spotlight On Me

其实啊~

2012-02-14T12:52:00.001+08:00

当我听到不少女性同胞说，很希望身边有个《李大仁》，我其实是默默地OS：“我有一个《李大仁》”

我的这位《李大仁》，是高中补习班认识的一位朋友。那时候并不熟，毕业后也没联络。
应该是大三的时候，才变熟的吧。

我妈说，能配合我，跟我为此友情的人，都一定是很有耐心的人。
所以，这位《李大仁》肯定是很有耐心的咯！
当我需要利用他当司机的时候，他会报到。
当我想吃宵夜的时候，他会配合。
当我想在Ikea温一整天的书的时候，他也一块带一大叠书本来，陪我温习7-8个小时吧~
长话短说，有《李大仁》真好。

他，还蛮多优点的。而且长得也不错看。
其实他市场比我好很多。常常有女生追哦。。
但他眼光很高。真的很高。

当然，世上没有完美的人。他也有他的缺点啊！
大概是因为我也了解他的缺点，所以有时候会让他逼疯。

虽然我们没有像《程又青》和《李大仁》有14年的友情。
但我们也算彼此有一定的了解。
我们都有在各自失恋的时候安慰彼此。
在跟别人暧昧的时候和彼此分享故事。

这5-6年，是这么过的。

我并不知道，在这5-6年里他有没有曾把我当女人看待。
他常强调我并不是他的菜。
而我，我有没有曾动心？哼~~
男女之间真的可以有纯友情吗？

感谢上帝让我有个《李大仁》。
这也是一种幸福。

谢谢你，《李大仁》。

梦到“爱”

2012-02-04T23:37:00.001+08:00

就是前几天啊，我做了一个梦。
梦里的我在热恋中，但我没梦到对象是谁。
想说，醒来的时候心里有个熟悉的感觉。
就是恋爱的感觉。
一直以为已经不懂得怎么去爱的我，终于肯让那埋在心里深处的感觉浮出来了。

我，大概是准备好要迎接下一段感情了吧？
希望今年会遇到好对象，认真地谈个恋爱，一段成熟又真心的恋爱。

Looking back at 2011

2012-01-06T18:08:00.000+08:00

Started the year with a scrumptious dinner with Alvin, Edmond, EJ and Hui Jun (cooked by Edmond and EJ). There were fireworks at the back of the house, good food and wine.

In January, after much deliberation and argument, I decided to quit an underpaying job for a better paying one, but unfortunately the new office was so freaking far from my house that I called it quits after 6 months. I hate having to be stuck in 1 hour traffic to and fro. The new salary just did not compensate for the amount of fuel and time burned.

Despite all that, I'm glad to have had the chance to team up with people around my age. It's nice to be around people who behave like kids once in a while.

Michelle organized a farewell dinner for me.

L-R: Meng, Eddy, myself, Han Pin, Lau and Terence the boss

Picture with the girls on our way to Titi Eco Farm for our company trip in May.

Clockwise from top left: Cayla, Michelle, myself and Siew Yee

*****

Attended Suvitha's wedding in February. It's the first time to attend an Indian wedding and I wanted to play dress up. Bought a cute dress from Rox/Sta just for this occasion! Suvitha is my course-mate from my Master of Communications class ( 'is' because we've still not graduated >.< ). It was so nice of her to have invited me ^^

L-R: myself, Ganesh, Suvitha, Alex & Stephanie

*****

Dad brought home two adorable puppies in early March. The brother insisted in naming them Whitney and Jack, but I stood firm in calling them Soya Cincau.

Yes, I am a food related person. Very much so.

Unfortunately my very handsome Cincau went missing just a couple of days before my trip in April. After searching the entire neighborhood for two days, I finally gave up and hoped he is better taken cared of if he was found and fostered.

*****

The highlight of my year must be the trip to London in April. Li Yun and I jumped at the AirAsia promo in November and booked our flights to visit Jolene during her Easter break. It was an exciting trip and I would definitely go back to the UK to explore other places that I didn't have the time to visit. The craziest thing we did was to follow the crowd to Buckingham Palace to congratulate Prince William and the lovely Duchess Kate Middleton after their wedding of the century.

Together again!!

The Admiralty Arch

Stonehenge

The London Eye

I definitely have a lot more pictures, but you can check 'em out on my Facebook.

*****

I hopped on AirAsia again after coming home for a couple of days from London in early May, this time, to Phnom Penh (did I get the spelling correct?). It wasn't an enjoyable trip for me because some asshole tried to snatch my camera away from me on the first day of my trip. After that I just wanted to sit in the hotel until it was time to go home but still followed my family around for the next couple of days to the depressing genocide museums.

Shopping in Phnom Penh isn't exciting at all mainly because I hate haggling and they love butchering. The stock are stuff I can get from Bangkok but the prices are just ridiculous! Plus the heat wasn't helping. On our last day, I insisted that we ditch the market and head to their local W Export Shop instead. Reason 1: it is air conditioned. Reason 2: fixed price.

Little did I know that they actually sell branded goods there! Oh happy happy joy joy! I'm not a heavy branded user, but at least you know for sure the stuff there are of better quality at warehouse prices. You also need not buy by bulk like what merchants in Bangkok will make you do. So if you ever want to go shopping in Phnom Penh, you only need to go the W Export Shops there. Each shop carries different brands and collections. Some are near the old market, and a couple are near the new market.

*****

Headed to Setiawan for the first time in June. Pastor Catherine asked me to help out at another church's Family Camp by facilitating sessions with the kids. Thank God that Michelle agreed to help me out because it turned out great to team up with her. We spent afternoons having good talks and reflections and she helped me to come to terms with my insecurities. Michelle has always been someone I admired and I truly appreciate the opportunity we had to be so honest to each other and most importantly, to ourselves.

The camp was at Teluk Batik, which was walking distance from the beach. I came home a shade darker but it was worth it 'cos I had a great time. The kids were fun to work with as well, and the church members were very warm, hospitable and accommodating. I kept telling Michelle that if I have kids, I want them to grow up in an environment like what they have in this church.

*****

The LCCT seemed to be my second home by July because this time, I hopped on AirAsia again to the beautiful island Bali with first time travel buddies Edmond and Felicia. We visited places like Kuta, Tanah Lot, Ubud, Nyang-Nyang Beach, Uluwatu and a whole lot of other places which I can't name off the top of my head.

I decided quit my job shortly after coming back from Bali. Partially because my mom needs me back at her office, partially because working in an all-male environment really isn't for me.

*****

August started with a bang. Literally.

David's car, which was parked by the road, was hit by another car going on high speed. The impact was so big that both the air bags in the Honda were deployed. The driver was sent to the hospital because blood was just dripping profusely down from his right temple.

The insurance refused to let us claim for total loss because the value of the car is worth more than the repairs by around RM10k margin. So we got the car back after 2 months and Dad is using it now.

*****

Alex, a good friend of mine since Pre-University days in TAR college finally got married in September. The wedding dinner was set on the same day my second cousin from Alor Setar held his wedding dinner, and also the day my brother left home for further his studies. I was torn between sending my brother off and attending my friend's wedding dinner but since both my parents and David said it was okay for me to go to the dinner instead, so I went.

It was a night of gathering, reuniting, good food, good wine, good company.

Another happy happy event is that my ex-boss Penny gave me another opportunity to perform again. Since Integrated Expression's merger with Spade Advertising, it seems like the clientele has also grown bigger. My first gig after many months of 'break' was to share the stage with the legendary Chef Wan! Ok, to be honest I was just a small fry, but I literally rubbed shoulders with the man!

L-R: Louise, Penny, Ivy, Daphne, Andrew, Myself, Adrea, CHEF WAN!!!, Eason, Felicia, Spade-Boss-I-forgot-his-name-I'm-so-sorry, and Fabian

Felicia, Adrea and myself

I was actually very worried that I would screw up my lines.

One week after, I got called again to perform at a responsible drinking event. If only these calls come every week!!

Signed the SPA to my first property on the 16th. A major financial burden now restss on my shoulders.

September also marked my turn to have been promoted the Quarter-of-a-century-old title. Turning 25 isn't that big a deal, but I'd like to look Forever 21.

*****

Come October, Octoberfest!! Unfortunately I was too broke to drink like a fish everyday, I just managed to have 2 drinks at the end of the month. October brought a big change: the decision to move on. It has been about 3 months already and I still need some getting used to missing some of the people.

But it was time to move on.

Got called to perform at another event, playing a villian this time and it was fun!!

L-R: Penny, Adrea, James, Felicia and myself

Linora & I

*****

011111, the day one of my best friends got engaged. I was trying out some outfits at the changing room when Li Yun called, I was so excited that I think the whole shop (and maybe next door) heard me. I was already tearing by the end of the conversation. *sniffles*

November was a busy month for me, there were quick practices for the performance at Tesco, practices for New Star Studio's 3rd Anniversary Charity Dinner and Dance, and on top of that, I signed up for personal training at the gym to give myself time to look good for Li Yun's wedding.

Teaming up with Eason

The performance at Tesco was a totally new concept. It's like flash mob but there were only the two of us, our backpack speakers, and a mix of hostile/warm crowd. It's not like the stage we usually have, nor do we just do our own thing. It's literally speaking to strangers while trying to hear what is going on on the other side and maneuvering my way along the crowds and aisles. I haven't been called to do another job since and I worry it may be because I sucked at it.

*****

Finally, December.

While it seemed like everyone else was away on holiday, I worked hard and and no time to play hard.

Penny asked me to help the Spade/IE team to boost a certain fan page. The best part of it is that I got to meet lots of local celebrities during the launch of Capital FM and was given goodie bags, a makeover, and photo ops.

Then there was the anniversary/charity dinner/dance at the studio where I had been taking MTV dance lessons.

L-R: Piper, Cayla, Shelby & myself

And everyone else (Sorry I don't know everyone's names)

Overall it's been a good year. To add icing to the cake, my godmother showed up at church on Christmas!

I'm so glad to know that she and most of my god siblings are now Christians.

So I'm thankful for 2011, and looking forward to better times in 2012!

Happy new year!!

Anyone who knows me well..

2011-12-30T09:55:00.000+08:00

..will know that I can get incredibly irritable when I'm hungry.

In fact, I get extremely annoyed to the point that I would be extremely pissed off if I am not allowed to eat the food that is right in front of me.

Extremely, is not an understatement.

...these are a few of my favourite things...

2011-12-21T12:35:00.000+08:00

When the dog bites, when the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad

I simply remember my favourite things
And then I don't feel so bad

我就是搞不懂

2011-12-12T14:23:00.000+08:00

为什么某些人
就因为他们知道我在公司的身份
就很喜欢很喜欢用：“你妈妈。。。”什么什么的。

我妈没名给你叫吗？

“你妈妈去了哪里？”
“你妈妈什么时候回来？”
“你妈妈怎么去吃饭你不跟去？”

那你要我身为员工，还是女儿来回复？

也许你觉得你跟我妈很熟。
那就代表我很应该向你分享我的私事吗？
我去哪里，干什么，关你屁事？

我只想说
去你妈的！

我是来这里工作的，不是来跟你哈拉。

Well, the client has not paid us yet...

2011-12-09T10:44:00.000+08:00

Do you know what is the most common excuse I get when my payment is delayed?

"Client has not paid us yet"

Once, a year ago, it was for an agency who took on a project for NFC (yeah, the people behind the recent Cow Condo case). I stayed up several nights, rushed copy writing between photo shoots on a public holiday, made immediate amendments during my actual working hours and things like that. The agency still owes me 70% of my pay TODAY, because the "client has not paid them yet".

Another time, one of my close friends asked me to help translate an entire magazine. Again, it was a few sleepless nights to get things done. I had to hound him for my payment for at least 6 months. The client hasn't paid him back, he paid me using his own funds, bit by bit, but I got what I needed.

The thing I cannot accept about this "client has not paid" issue from agencies is that their full-time staff gets paid even though the client has not paid. So what would be the fair rational behind part-timers not getting paid because the client hasn't paid up?

Part-timers/freelancers have the same bills to pay. They don't buy half a meal, or use recycled utilities and neither do their cars go on 50% fuel and 50% water. The reason they take on extra jobs is simply because they needed the money, or else they would be spending their time doing charity work instead, isn't it?

I only hope for more consideration from the parties involved. Just because your client hasn't paid you, it doesn't mean that it is a valid reason to delay your part-timer/freelancer's payment, because you, as a full-timer is getting paid despite the delay. And your salary is much more than what we are getting. So, really, it doesn't make sense.

The reason I don't chase for payments fervently is because I want to keep my part-time/freelance job. I don't want agencies to dislike me for chasing payment, but it gets upsetting and annoying when agencies take for granted that this is your 'pocket money' and not something you really need.

It is not up to the agency to decide whether I need the money urgently or not. It is also not up to the agency to judge on what I spend my money on. I just want to appeal to all agencies out there to be more considerate towards the people who you have chosen to hire.

I did my job, so do yours.

Moving on is...

2011-12-08T17:08:00.000+08:00

harder than I thought it would be.
I guess all those years of attachment doesn't wear out as easily as I thought it would.

Slowly, and (I hope) surely, I will be able to leave all of it behind.

Anyways.

I just realized I've nowhere to go for Christmas! lol.
Staying home isn't such a bad idea anyway, since I'm still pretty broke.
The paychecks from my "freelance" jobs are extremely delayed to the point where I am getting impatient.

I need the money.

oh.geram.

2011-12-01T13:04:00.001+08:00

I work full-time job which involves managing the administration in the office, issuing cheques, paying bills, and managing my staff. More often than not, I have to work overtime to complete the pile of work that never diminishes. Yes, I'm an all in one employee.

I go to the gym 3 times a week, minimum 2 hours each visit. Just so I can stay healthy because the rest of my time is either in front of the computer or the idiot box. Also because I am constantly being told that I can never find anyone who will be willing to love me if I keep on being plus sized because I do not look like I deserve to be loved.

I also go for dance classes once a week because it seems to be the only thing enjoyable in my routine. With the charity event coming up next week, I have to go to the studio twice a week for rehearsals. It's not really enjoyable anymore because it's talking up too much of my time.

I also have part-time gigs and odd jobs. Which I have no idea when the pay will come in. I am miserable because I have to live from paycheck to paycheck and the extra income is supposed to be for me to cover the down payment for my apartment. Which I am still behind by roughly 25 thousand. The pressure from this is driving me up the wall. I hate not being to afford the things I want.

I try to meet up with friends as much as possible. Weekday evenings and weekends are the best times. However we all have other commitments as well so it's hard to arrange for suitable times as some people need prior arrangement while others can only confirm last minute.

I have to find time to do my laundry, clean my room, bring my dog for grooming, service my car, run other errands. With so many things to do, I don't have the time or energy to deal with people who don't understand what is going on in my life. I don't even have the extra energy to be bothered by them. Did I also mention I have a thesis that is collecting dust and I am supposed to have finished writing it like, last year?

On top of these daily dilly-dallies, I have to listen to criticisms on what I eat, how I look, how I behave. I have to face being disliked by people who have no idea what goes on in my life daily and be reminded that I am never good enough. So am I living for myself, or am I allowing myself to be pushed around? I think the answer is pretty obvious.

And I wonder, why the hell do I even try.

那些年

2011-11-25T15:26:00.000+08:00

要留下美好的回忆，就要把不好的都忘掉。
这是那些年的他们教我的。

要往前走，就不要往后看。
这是那些年的他们告诉我的。

要相信，自己并没有想象中那么烂。
这是那些年的他们让我看到的。

最后，
要幸福，就要懂得祝福。
这是那些年的他们应该拥有的。

败犬

2011-11-23T23:18:00.000+08:00

我记得自己曾经说过：“《败犬女王》？戏名很奇怪。干嘛要看用狗来形容女人的戏啊？”

但因最近没什么戏看，所以就开始追这部2009的作品。

其实，真的很不赖。

某一集里，女主角提起2003年，1月。
让我想起2003年1月的我。

2003年，1月，1日。
17岁的我，向喜欢了4年的男生告白。
失败。
如今他成家了。小孩也有了。

我呢？

Someday.

2011-11-16T18:12:00.000+08:00

It's only the 4th, and I am broke.

2011-11-04T09:58:00.001+08:00

As one of my besties has just gotten engaged, I promised to be there for the couple's wedding registration.

Although I'm not the one getting married, but still, I'd like to look as good as possible as the pictures taken will be circulated all over. As much as I have learned to embrace how I look, and have since stopped self-inflicting abusive thoughts, I acknowledge the fact that need help to get back in shape, despite always insisting that "Round, is a shape". I need guidance and motivation and someone to teach me how to achieve what I want.

So, I went to the gym last night, sat down with a consultant, and signed-up for 12 sessions of Personal Training which cost me a whopping RM1660.00.

Upfront.

So I'm now left with money enough for petrol and toll for maybe another 2 weeks or so.
Damn broke.

Chasing Lightnings

2011-11-03T12:24:00.000+08:00

If I were to get serious with photography,

I'd like to be a lightning chaser.

Altough we live in the time of Ipads and tablets...

2011-11-03T12:19:00.001+08:00

This is my new sermon notebook which I've just pimped with foil finished stickers.

Can't wait to use it on Sunday =)

This is how it should be

2011-10-31T11:57:00.000+08:00

Waking up later than usual.

Having no special agenda.

Chilling in a cozy restaurant.

Talking about nothing.

Reflecting on a good message.

Drive slowly. No hurry.

Taking each step, each breath, one at a time.

Yes, this is how it should be.

Focus on the bigger picture.

2011-10-28T18:12:00.001+08:00

Stop.
Breathe.
Start over.
It's okay.

Picture taken in Salisbury, on the way from the Stonehenge to Old Sarum.

Moving on.

2011-10-24T17:43:00.001+08:00

While having dinner with my parents last night, Dad shared with me some of the observations he made.

I guess I was pleasantly surprised to know that there are people who are outside the 'involvement' who noticed what was going on. I'm sure there are other people besides Dad who, being older and wiser, should know better.

Probably that's why he has been supportive of my decision. Which I am grateful for, because that saves me a lot of effort from trying to explain myself. Like, I don't want to sound like the victim, and I'm not up for a pity party because I am a big girl, and I can take care of myself.

I don't need to quietly discuss about anyone, or dig past events to measure against the current situation, just so I can get a collective opinion to confront another person. There is a difference between being judging and correcting. If you can't tell the difference, then maybe it's time to buck up intellectually.

And, I've learned that you'll never know when you are being watched.

I guess people will start putting two and two together, but if it is genuinely out of care and concern, I'd appreciate a phone call, instead of asking around and creating unwanted speculation.

After all, with the technology we have now, there are so many means to contact a person.

Anyways, saw this is FB and WQ's blog, couldn't help but to put it up too:

"There’s a point in life

when you get tired of trying to fix everything

and trying to make everybody happy.

When you finally decide to quit,

it’s not giving up.

It’s realising that

you don’t need certain people

and the bullshit they bring to your life."

-Author Unknown-

Pretty much sums up all there is needed to be said.

I'm a happier person

2011-10-24T12:53:00.002+08:00

I love it that my friends are so genuine, considerate, easy-going, non-judgmental, understanding, mature...plus the fact that they don't bitch.

We had lovely sushi dinner last Saturday =)

I'm super thankful for friends who remember that I love Japanese food.

I love the fact that they take my preferences into consideration, and invite me to gatherings.

They listen, sympathize, comfort.

Love 'em.

I say "Hey! What's Going On?!"

2011-10-18T18:10:00.003+08:00

Just finished another performance for IE/Spade today, and am so excited that there are plans to bring Glo out and about. Perfect timing. I have reason not to show up at *that place* on weekends now.

Of course, if anyone has a problem with my priorities, here's my response:"Go take that log out of your eye first."

"The opposite of love is not hate. It is indifference."~Tyra Banks
So yeah, I don't hate you, I just can't be bothered.
Peace.

Moving on to happier things... am so so so grateful to be working with such a FANTASTIC team. I've grown pretty comfortable to the entire team,and really really like everyone. Million thanks to Flee and Adrea for helping me out with hair and costume today. Can't imagine the limbo I'd be in if everything is not done in time! First, there was the super 'jeng' villian makeup, then I needed help with crimping (my now signature) maggi-hair, and also attach fake clawish nails (which I gave up trying to use nail polish to attach in the end and asked Adrea to tape it on instead).

And of course I can't not mention Ms PENNY LOW of whom gave me so many wonderful opportunities to, er, 'showcase' my inner diva.lol.

The day started with Flee & I being jakuns who would take pictures of anything, with anything, and everything.

Sorry. Cannot resist not taking one with the poster.

The makeup process:

Primed and ready for multilayer painting

Framing, then filled in and...

Let' just say I wasn't playing an angelic character.

Yup.

Getting my ass kicked by the marshmallow hero.

Can you believe there is a ventilation fan INSIDE that helmet thingy?

Penn, Adrea, MarshmallowJames, Flee & moi

That's our super.tall.mascot.who.flee.says.look.like.charlizard.from.pokemon.

MissLynn, Flee, MarshmallowJames, myself & Adrea =)

MissLynn was one of our emcees today.

Sooooo happy to see her!!

I'm actually a lovable clown.

Really.

And an picture with joojoo

Much hugs and MUAXXXX to everyone!!! XOXO!!!

Exhausted.

2011-10-17T11:33:00.000+08:00

I don't wanna care anymore.

Gonna adopt the CBB attitude.

Go Glo!!!

2011-10-14T16:03:00.001+08:00

To my friends of whom I have to reject dinner invitations, shopping invitations and yumcha sessions...it was because...of this...

LOL at jiwang moment <8:17-8:23>

How do you stop the good ones from going bad, and make the bad ones good again?

2011-10-07T09:56:00.000+08:00

At the start of the week, I was chatting with ah keong about bad apples.
On Wednesday, everyone was talking about the Apple iPhone4s.
Thursday, the death of Steve Jobs shocked the world.
Friday, I thought of something related to apples.

If there are good apples and bad apples in the same basket, will the good apples become bad, or will the bad ones become good? How do you stop the good ones from going bad, and how do you make the bad ones good again?

I have two answers.

One. Take the bad apples out before the bacteria infects the rest, but there is no way of making them good again.

Two. Keep the good ones good by taking them out before they get infected, but there is still no way to make bad apples good again.

Conclusion: Good apples can become bad when in the company of bad apples; bad apples will just continue to be rotten.

2011-10-04T09:52:00.002+08:00

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees
but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom,
but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.

George Carlin

(repost from Xavier)

Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.

2011-10-03T19:55:00.001+08:00

*sigh*

Feeling frustrated, because of the things I want to say, but can't.
God, grant me patience, please.

As time goes by..

2011-09-26T10:10:00.001+08:00


14 September 2008

25 September 2011

So much has changed.

Yet much still remains the same.

Time to save up again.

2011-09-06T16:11:00.000+08:00

See you next year.

I Refuse.

2011-08-02T11:35:00.000+08:00

I refuse to let your remarks continue to hurt me.

I refuse to let you make me feel insignificant.

I refuse to let you undermine me.

I refuse to let your hatred get in the way.

I refuse.

Fun in the Sun, or Peace on the Beach?

2011-07-19T11:49:00.000+08:00

One of my colleagues whatsapp-ed me last night, asking me what are my plans after the resignation.
Although the initial plan is to go back to help out at my mom's business, deep down, I am reluctant.

I have not forgotten why I left in the first place.

This picture explains my current situation quite well.
I have left the sun and waters for a seat under the umbrella, yet, I am still looking back at it.

Such conflict.

Just Dance.

2011-07-11T16:32:00.000+08:00

Unleash.

2011-06-27T10:25:00.001+08:00

Question:

2011-06-17T09:53:00.000+08:00

Will denying my past help me write my future?

Sugarland - Stuck Like Glue

2011-06-16T15:53:00.002+08:00

Woke up with this song in my head:

Absolutely no one that knows me better
No one that can make me feel so good
How did we stay so long together
When everybody
Everybody said we never would
And just when I, I start to think they're right
That love has died

There you go making my heart beat again
Heart beat again
Heart beat again
There you go making me feel like a kid
Won't you do it and do it one time

There you go pulling me right back in
Right back in,
Right back in
And I know I'm never letting this go
I'm stuck on you
Whutooo whutooo
Stuck like glue
You and me baby we're stuck like glue
Whutooo whutooo
Stuck like glue
You and me baby we're stuck like glue

Some days I don't feel like trying
Some days you know I wanna just give up
When it doesn't matter who's right, fight about it all night
Had enough
You give me that look
"I'm sorry baby let's make up"
You do that thing that makes me laugh
And just like that...

I'm stuck on you
Whutooo whutooo
Stuck like glue
You and me baby we're stuck like glue
Whutooo whutooo
Stuck like glue
You and me baby were stuck like glue

Whutooo Whutoo

You almost stay out, too stuck together from the ATL
Whutooo Whutoo
Feeling kinda sick
Just a spoon full of sugar make it better real quick

I say
Whutooo Whutoo
Whatcha gonna do with that
Whutooo Whutoo
Come on over here with that
Sugar sticky sweet stuff
Come on give me that stuff
Everybody wants some
Melodies that get stuck

Up in your head
Whutooo whutooo

Up in your head
Whutooo whutooo

Up in your head
Whutooo whutooo

Up in your head
Whutooo whutooo
Whuthoo whutooo
Stuck like glue
You and me together, say, it's all I wanna do
I said

If I Can Do This Every Day

2011-06-07T16:13:00.002+08:00

ugh.

2011-05-04T03:42:00.000+08:00

Certainly, there is no problem with being confident in yourself.
However, if it is at my expense, then we've got a problem here.

If you want other people to have confidence in you, there isn't a need to go promoting yourself.
Just prove that you can do it.

If you want something, then go get it.
Don't try going all democratic with a hidden agenda like I don't know that you are pretending to be considerate.

I don't say it to your face because I hate seeing people cry.
Cause it makes me feel like a whimp.

Just a reminder: I came from an all girls school.
I may not have seen it all.
But I've seen enough to know.

Because I need some drama to keep me alive.

2011-04-04T01:44:00.002+08:00

(I swear my eyes are open!)
Picture courtesy of IE

Astro Star Quest 2011

2011-04-03T00:20:00.010+08:00

The ASQ is one of the biggest 'reality' singing competition in our country.
However, the only winner that really made it big (or at least, I know of) is Nicholas Teo.
What happened to the other winners ah?
(Yes, that was meant to sound sacarstic.)

Anyway, despite all that, I had always wanted to go for this competition.
Not that I wanted to become some mega superstar (but honestly who hasn't had that kind of dream before?) but simply because I love the stage.
I want to look pretty and perform under pretty lights and have people tell me "Good job!".
And I love the sound of applause. heh heh heh.

The stage is my life and my life is the stage.
Be it on stage, backstage, I have always loved it.
I used to hold mini concerts at home when I was a kid.
Sometimes, if I was lucky enough to have both my parents home before bedtime, I would make them sit at the living room and I'll just sing whatever.
Screw the lyrics, I just wanted their attention! And then I make them applaude.

HAHAHA.

I think I've mentioned a couple of times that I performed at Sungai Wang when I was six?
I have pictures to prove it! But who is interested in that anyway.

So, ASQ 2011.

This is the first and last attempt, because I'll be over-aged next year.
Was telling my mom that if I didn't go for this, I'd probably have to wait for the senior citizen's singing competition =P

It was Ah Boy Andrew who asked me to give it a try. Well, I didn't need much convincing since it was something I had wanted to do since a long time ago.

I never went for it because I had no confidence in myself.
Back then, I had low self esteem, I always think that I'm fat, I don't have nice features and blah blah blah..(Although, I still want to get nose fillers)
There was even a time when I hated to look at my own reflection.
When I looked into the mirror, I see my face as parts, not as a face.
If you get what I mean.

But I've slowly gained more confidence the past 6 months ever since Penn asked me to join the Vocalholics, and some friends say I sound good during karaoke sessions.
The best moment was when the audience applauded after I (together with Ah Boy Andrew, Easonia and the rest of the team) sang our "Yue Liang Dai Biao Wo De Xin" during the Chung Hwa Alumni dinner last year.
I sang the lead, you see. Maybe they hated it, maybe they were just being polite, I don't know, but the applause sure sounded goooood.

If you are wondering what happened to me at ASQ today, details are coming up.

So last night I asked Ah Boy Andrew to wake me up in case I overslept.
I actually wanted to wake at 6 but ended up waking at 7.
By the time Ah Boy Andrew messaged me, it was about 7.15.
Make up took about half an hour.
Detoured to mom's office to photostat my IC (cos I forgot to do it last night)
Find my way to TPM (found Astro but couldn't find the entrance into TPM itself)
Waited in line for about an hour to submit my application.

edit 4/4/11*found this picture on ASQ's FB page.

I happen to be in it.
So now you know I ain't bluffing when I tell you it is 'People mountain people sea'

Comment if you can spot me at first glance ;)
ps: Thank God I wasn't caught digging my nose or something.hahaha.

Waited another hour and a half, to be told to come back at 2pm.

Went for lunch at 11-ish, got lost, took a full hour to get back to Astro. (FAIL)
Waited till 3pm to have my number called.
Bumped into Ah Boy Andrew before my briefing (By the way, Ah Boy Andrew made it to the second round! *clap clap clap*)
Waited for the judges to finish their break.
Finally had my 15seconds shot for fame at around 5pm.

I did not make it lah.

But you know what? It is perfectly OKAY with me.
Of course got a bit disappointed lah, but mostly I felt relieved it was over.
See, I have a vague idea of how this industry works.
And I know I don't have a commercial look, I may not be Teen Vogue material, but I'm pretty sure I don't fall under the 'need plastic surgery' category either.
After all, I have modelled for Lancome before. Not a major runway event, just a story for a local paper, but still, pfft.
I don't doubt my talent. I KNOW I can sing, dance, and even act.
I may not be Beyonce, Charice, Whitney, Mariah material, but I'm no William Hung.
I might have not won in this competition, but I think of myself as a winner because I went for it, instead of letting myself wonder "What if..?" for the rest of my life.
Honestly I had not have my hopes up (I mean, really, singing may be an interest, but it is not what I do best) but the point is, I went for it.

Like what Ah Boy Andrew and Hui Jun said: You tried.
Yup =)

Normaly I would have taken these kind of thing very personally, but today, I am different.
I understand that this is business, to me, I went for a job interview and the bosses didn't think I'd make the cut.
A couple of guys in my batch were all teary and upset because the judges only heard 2 lines of their chorus. They thought it was unfair and blah blah blah..(Rolls eyes)

IMHO, this is all business. Every second is money.
Equipment, studio rental, recording crew etc, it all costs money.
If everyone is given a full minute, imagine how much time and money would be wasted if the judges allow the crew to continue filming people who are not worth the time.
It may not necessary be that you lacked talent, because I think everyone from my batch can sing, or at least carry a tune. (I am damn sure I can!)
There was this dude who (I think) was also a finalist for another show who didn't make it either.
It's not all about the talent, it's the whole package.
They want candidates that can bring them the ka-ching.

You think this show is for free ah?
They need sponsorships, SMS votes and all that jazz to make money!
Do you think they will place a 'product' on TV that cannot appeal to the market?
Sorry but we live in a mateiral world. Wake up, kids.
It's ok. It's not the end of the world. ASQ is not the only stage in this country, and definitely not the only way for anyone to chase their dreams. In any case, if they are still within the age limit, go try again!!

I have overheard someone in my batch (who was a finalist last year) bitching about the judges.
To me, I don't know them, and they don't know me either. So who cares?
(I really DON'T know who the heck they are. Apparently some famous song writers, but frankly I don't give a damn, I just need to know what make them qualify as judges)
As long as I did my part and I did my best.
They don't know how to appreciate (me) then nevermind lah.
Neh neh neh boo boo~~
It is my policy to leave everything that happened on stage, on stage.
Don't take it with you, because you can't change what happened, but you can learn from it and do better the next time.

For me, there won't be a next time at ASQ, but it is okay, I don't need to be famous, 'cos I'm already a superstar in God's eyes =)

"Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure." George Edward Woodberry (A quote Heypi posted on FB earlier this week)

I AM NOT A FAILURE.

*edit 4/4/11 met my highschool friend there!

summary of the recent emotional roller coaster

2011-03-23T00:38:00.004+08:00

Didn't think I'd be back here so soon.
But I guess it is about time to pen down some recent happenings.
And to be honest with myself.
So if you find any part of this entry not your cup of tea, click that "x" button up there and you'll be fine.

When people ask me about work, I don't really know what to say.
I don't think I am passionate about what I am doing, and I don't really know what I am passionate about.
See, I have always had my feelings squashed into a little stress ball, and nothing leaks out no matter how hard you squeeze it.
What I'm trying to say is, I have been programmed to do as I am told, but not as I feel like doing.

Perhaps I can push the blame to the older generation, where priorities come before interests.
Sure, the universal interest is Money.
But what are we chasing after, really?

All I know is that I only need to live comfortably.
Contrary to what others perceive me to be, a little rich girl who only go for things I cannot afford, I still do not own any LVs or Pradas or Gucci.
However, I have bought myself a Guess bag for my 24th birthday. And before you go "Ah ha!", it was on sale. Plus, Guess is pretty much the brand teenyboppers are using nowadays so I'm way behind time.

Anyway, I have a full time 8.30 to 5.30 job off Old Klang Road.
It's a web hosting company and my main job is to monitor the compay's facebook page and twitter.
It sounds easy but it is quite stressful sometimes.
Like, some people observe the time you are online so that they can leave nasty comments on your wall when they know you will be asleep.
Or, people who are just plain rude who takes effort to create a page just to defame you.
Dealing with these assholes can drive me nuts sometimes because we live at a time when everything is is expected to be instant.
They probably think our staff are permanently glued to the monitor to answer their every wish and command.

Anyway, can't complain about them here or I may lose my job.
Once again, assholes. Pfft.

Oh, I also have to come up with campaigns to bring in more fans.
Which I sometimes do not understand, as we are not a brand that everybody uses..like toothpaste or McD, you know?
What's the point of getting people who don't give a damn about your products to be on your facebook?
Ok, I should stop here.

The office is like, super far.
A colleague suggested to me that I should move out to stay near the office.
Hah! Like that would ever happen.

So, what's up when I am not sitting in the office?

Well, my mom is still keen on me picking up the real estate stuff.
I'm just going along with it because it does bring in a comfortable side incom once in a while.
In addition, it's the only thing my mom talks to be about nowadays anyway.
So if I don't do it, it probably means we don't have much to talk about.
Sad, but true.

Unless I want her to start nagging about finishing up my Masters, or hurry up and get married.
Thank God she didn't continue harbouring on the hopes that I would be 'friends' with that Spanish stranger from Melbourne.

I'm not against Spanish, okay:?
I just think that it was weird.
How can she be rooting for someone she has never even met?

Other than that, I still do some writing once in a while.
This client is really cool, we don't even need to communicate over the phone, everything via email. And he directly transfers the funds, so it's cool.

Kind of miss the days when I'm working from home.
Problem with freelancing is, they don't pay immediately, and tends to accidentally overlook your emails asking them to pay up.

Oh, there'll be another gig coming up next month and practice starts on Saturday.
I'm so exicted that I've promised myself not to light up until it is over.
Save my voice, you know.

Yes I have my relaspes.
Nicotine and booze, but rest assured it is all under control.
Not really into the whole talking to God thing, I mean, I know He loves me and all that but, God, don't I deserve what I want?
Is my purpose to make other people happy?
What about ME?

Okay, leave the heavenly Father out of this.
Probably it is my own fault I don't have anyone I can talk to, or relate to.
You know, a person who will still love me as I am, not like, judge me or talk about me behind my back or be disappointed in me.

Right, I refuse to tear up at this point.

And of course the part where everyone is waiting for: if I have met anyone yet.
No I have not. Maybe because I've not been searching.
Or maybe I'm not as into guys as I thought?
Haha. Just kidding. But still, food for thought.
Someone from the past came back recently, and as usual, he drops by, says hi, lingers for awhile, and then went on his way again.
I've gotten so used to that, it is started to bore me.
Good news is, it hurts less and less each time he leaves, because he can just somehow unintentionally hurt me more and more.
I don't know how to explain this. It is complicated, yet comprehensable(is there such a word?)

If he really likes me, he would never do anything that would hurt me.
Yet I have been ripped apart so many times, it is just too obvious that he's not really that into me in the first place.
It is my pride, my ego, that made me blind to that very fact.
So there. Good bye. Tata. Sayonara. Au revoir.

It's 1am now and I should go back to that monotonous cycle in another 7 hours or so.
Good night, world.

At least I didn't say Good bye.
......I really should pop my meds now.

舍不得又怎样?

2011-03-21T14:45:00.001+08:00

保重。
要幸福哦。
再见了。